That thumping noise...

Is me slamming my head into my desk, repeatedly.

I received a phone message yesterday afternoon from Mom, to notify me that Dad was in the hospital with a kidney stone. He's had them before and it's generally nothing critical, but Mother has been untruthful in the past about the true critical nature of a situation, so I wanted to get ahold of them anyways. Called home, no answer. Called Aunt and Uncle, no answer. (All were visiting Dad, as it turned out.) I was able to get through to his room via the hospital switchboard. Mom couldn't talk for long because of the cramped quarters, so I asked Dad to ask her when she'd be home so I could call her then.

(Background. The Deliverance City fireworks had gotten postponed to last night because of the rain Friday. We had intended to go, but in unrelated events neither Mr. Samoa nor I felt up to it so we didn't. Mother knew we were intending to go.)

So, Dad asks her. She claimed she didn't know. I then told him to ask her what time visiting hours ended, thinking that end of hours + 1/2 hour would = ETA at home. He asked her, and then I hear this shriek of "But the FIREWORKS! They have to go to the FIREWORKS!"

o_O! So there I was trying to force my jaw off of the ground. Dad, even in his stoned state, had the presence of mind to lie. He told her, "Oh, they're still going! She just wants to know what time to call!" Thus, I got the info, call was made, all lived happily ever after. Dad sounded stoned but otherwise perfectly normal, and he's apparently insisting on wearing his Kenworth hat in bed, so I took all this to mean the situation was not grave; we are going up today. But, we are going to have to lie about the fireworks, because we wouldn't want to miss the fireworks just because Dad is in the HOSPITAL or anything!!! Because they certainly haven't happened every single year since 1776 and will never happen again! Also they are not available for purchase so you can do your own any damn time you want! (smoke billows from ears)

Mother Samoa put it best. She said, "I shouldn't laugh, but that is just so typical of your mom!" This is further proof of Caroline's long held theory that Mom is an alien being.