Sigh

So Nurse Ratchet apparently got overheard and chewed yesterday, because she was all up my butt being nice at the doctor's appointment today. (The results of same: yup, viral bronchitis, nope, nothing to do but wait it out and hit the albuterol and Mucinex. Oh, and monitor my blood pressure as I am sliding inexorably towards the Family Curse of high blood pressure. And, Nurse Florence and the doctor didn't think that waiting and letting my bronchioles close would have been such a hot idea either.)

But anyways. So Nurse Ratchet is asking alll about my life, I'm trying to extricate myself, and she goes, "Any babies?" (Note: The last time she saw me was June. That would've been the world's shortest pregnancy!) I did my usual and trilled, "Oh, no, just the furry kind. We're up to five cats and three dogs." That did the trick, as it often does, and she got off on the pet tangent. Immediate problem solved, but talk about OB. TUSE. !

I have decided to take this opportunity to share my distraction-from-baybeez lines with you, as they're all pretty funny.

1. "Oh, no, we stick to the furry kind. [insert babbling about pets here]." This one is really effective for some reason. An alarming number of people seem to feel that pets count. Not that I'm complaining!

2. "Oh, no, Caroline and I divided up the labor years ago. She's to have the babies, and I'm to spoil them." (Works great for relatives.)

3. (for work) "Great Scott, I already have seven! How many do you want me to have?!" (Our residents are the highest-needs home in the Shady Acres system, so this shuts up any Shady Acres employees and their relatives/friends.)

4. (if for some God-unknown reason none of the above work, which is highly unusual) "Um, I have fibromyalgia. If you think hobbling after a toddler is going to work, I'd like to know how!"

I seldom if ever make it to no. 4. Yay for smartasses!